f i n a l d e s c e n t

every word i write 
is related to the longing 
i have for you 
i get so close 
and fall so much further away 
i fear my final descent 

i am stuck in my own confusion 
my inability to contort my mind 
into logic and rationality 
i am stuck in the touch of your hand 
the softness of your skin 

i clench my teeth 
with my back to you 
pretending ropes 
are strapping me in place 

as i lie in your bed 
overcome with waves 
of your warmth 
every time you shift positions 

i force my body 
to remain immobile 
i roll with my ideas 
until i fall 
out of consiousness 
into the slope 
beneath your body 

your movement wakes me 
to find my arms 
tightly around your frame 
inhale 
exhale 
you and i in rhythm 

the pressure 
of our bodies touching 
leads my hands across your skin 
i know i should let go 
i know i should return to the side 
that isn't yours 
yet i remain 
my face buried in your neck